Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
