U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
