Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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