Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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