I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
