I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
