I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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