the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
