it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were trust falling into bushes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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