Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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