I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
