Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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