i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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