Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
