Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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