Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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