You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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