So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize