I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
