3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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