good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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