Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
