He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize