i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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