why do cheetos always look like penises
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We have so much sex to catch up on
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
