You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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