i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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