Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
