I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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