i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
