I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
