i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
