So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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