We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
