did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
