I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
