She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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