Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
