she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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