I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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