He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize