we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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