I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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