I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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