If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
