i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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