Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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