i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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