By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
