that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
