Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
