she woke up with a sticky ear
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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