Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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