i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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