Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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