I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
