JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
