you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
