It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
