Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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