i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
