how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
