ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
