You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
