i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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