I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize