well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
