Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
