Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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