i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
