Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
