no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
