So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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