he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
