I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
