awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
