At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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