I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Actions speak louder than pants.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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