I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
