Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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