Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize