I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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