they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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